The title is kinda easy to read, easy to say, easy to baffle, easy to blahh3x, but personally and maybe universally, the title NOT an easy thing to do.

—

We all grow up.

Babies. Toddlers. Children. Teens.

Young adults. My phase now.

Afterward, adults. The phase with every possible responsibility in the world.

—

With every step, we learn a lot of things.

To do this, and that, and blah.

Simply, we learn how to live wisely.

One of the best and the worst part of it, is to let go. Something, or someone.

—

It is not easy. Simply put it, it is so DAMN hard it hurts everywhere.

But I did it.

And I am happy and proud of myself that I did it.

Lyrics from one of my fave song:

“I’m falling apart. I’m barely breathing.
With a broken heart. That still beating.”

I felt it for a long time. Holding a grudge. Never REALLY letting go. Never DO something to let go.

When I took the action, I felt relieved. I felt weightless.

All the burden were being taken away. After the action.

And that’s why, that’s why I know, that letting go is the right thing to do.

—

I hope, that all of us can do this. Not easy.

But hard enough to make you realize that life is more important now, not then.

Hard enough to make you realize, that love invest not only in one person, but in other person as well as long we want to start to try.

Hard enough to make you see the world in different point of view.

Hard enough to make you move on, begin a new leaf.

—

Letting go of your past. The past that formed you. The past that made you who you are now.

The part of you that you valued, that you treasured with all your heart.

It is who you were.

It still is who you are.

—

Letting go is not trashing it away. It is not giving it up.

Simply accept it. Respect it. And move on.

Move on with your life.

There is way more valuable things ahead of you.

Memories, waiting to happen.

Love, waiting to blossom.

Life, waiting to be awesome.

—

Put on a brave smile on your face.

Be responsible for every task ahead of you.

And be a new person. A greater one than before.

A new chapter of your life await.

—

one.who.never.stop.dreaming

It’s not easy trying to not feel anything.

Today, I did the inevitable thing. No need to know what the ‘thing’ is, but still, it’s good to rise and be above.

My own feeling’s aside.

—

Sometimes, life is simple. Like this day.

It started with a bath, and will ended with one. I know so.

But the important things that happened, happens between.

Like, my exam for example. I did good, I think.

And after that, my conversation with someone about love, kinda make me shivered a bit.

And then, I went to my friend’s birthday party. He turned 21 this week. Important mark for a boy, who’ll turn into a man. A good man.

And like now, I wrote about this thing and later I’ll make my cheat sheet for tomorrow’s exam. Not that I’ll cheat, but the professor told us to.

—

Like I said, it’s not easy to not feel anything. A person you once loved, a person you once cared about, in front of you, but (s)he is dead to you now.

Not because you did something wrong.

Not because (s)he did something wrong.

I didn’t even know what the cause. But it hurt.

And I gotta hurt more before I feel good again. I have to rise up, and be a good man.

For I have to feel happy when I am really sad.

For I have to feel welcomed when I know that (s)he resent me.

For I have to feel like there is nothing there, when I know that the feeling is still there.

But after all this, then come the realization.

—

The realization that you still are alive. It hits you. Hard. Harder.

The fact that you’re surrounded by the people you know, by the people you love, by the people you believe will be by your side no matter what your condition are.

The people you choose to be your family. My very good friends. Who happened to be there.

They still there. They supported me without even realizing that they did it.

They made my day happier than it should be. They made this ‘thing’ easier than it supposed to be.

And for that, I thanked you, my good friends.

—

At the end of the day, I looked back and I know one thing.

That I passed this day. Without unwanted accident. Without cries or sobs.

At the end of the day, I knew that I rised up and above. To be a good man. A good person I’m supposed to be.

—

the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

NB: Thanks for Grey’s Anatomy TV Series. Many inspirations and words I used in this post.

Okay, so here’s the deal. One year ago, I was posting “the 4th exam” as it was the 4th time I went to “Cisatu II” to have my skill examined by one big Mr. British Man who is a big achiever in music major.

Oh, and good news. I passed that exam *LOL*

Back to the topic, now the place of the exam have been changed. I went to “Kiai Luhur” instead of “Cisatu II”. I don’t like it. It is hot, dusty, and quiet filthy.

And I thought,

It’s okay. The exam room maybe lit up a lil bit, for this place looks like cheap resto…

But unfortunately, it was destined not to be lit up. *sobbing*

Like usual, the participant must attend 1 hour before the time of the exam. I was there by 11 o’clock, and my exam was 11.45. So I waited and reviewed my scales and arpeggios. I don’t know why, but violin’s scales are a lil bit harder than piano’s.

First of all, you don’t have the key in violin. It’s all about feelings, and then my teacher would be soooo mad at me he’d said I’m crazy. *LOL*
Second, your hands walk a straight-line on piano. On violin? Different stories guys. 4 different strings. 4 different tones.
And third, I just can’t, and I am lazy but awesome. *LOL*

So, by 11.45 I am very nervous but remained to stay calm. For God’s sake, my teacher is really indifferent. =_=

And the funny thing is, this is the very first “Associated Board of the Royal Schools of Music“ exam that wasn’t on time. Actually I’m kinda glad. I have the time to open my violin case because the case can’t be brought to the exam room.

—

Ms. Long Black Hair: “Aurel?”

Me: “Yes”

Ms. Long Black Hair: “Now’s the time. Follow me.”

—

FYI, I really really hope that the exam room kinda BIG because it reduced the feeling of your claustrophobic thought. And it kinda nice to stand in the big room that bigger than you, and not stand in the room that make you LOOK very BIG!

And that happened. The room is very very tiny I can’t breath. If my violin’s bow is 2 centimeters longer I’ll definitely looks like somebody stupid who can’t play the violin. >_<

—

20.10.09, 12.04 AM

Mr. Another British Man: “Hellooo…” *British Accent*

*Smile smile smile, don’t forget, but he didn’t even smile*

1st, 2nd, and 3rd pieces, I felt like my bow has its own will =.= The tones vibrated by themselves. *sobbing*

—

20.10.09 12.14 AM

Mr. Another British Man: “Let’s do the aural for 3rd grader”

And like usual, like my story at the 4th exam, I can’t sing. It all went AAAAAA!!!!!! but I don’t think that is the tone that the Mr. Another British Man is looking for.

And suddenly~~~

Mr. Another British Man: “Okay, thank you. You may go now, don’t forget your pieces”

—

Outside the room

What the hell just happened? =.=

Explanation: My 7th grade piano exam went by 25 minutes, and this one went by only 14 minutes. See the different?

—

Conclusion:

I really like music, but the grogginess and nervous system in my head always played me. *LOL*

Hope this one went smoothly and I got good grades. and I think I wanna do the 8th graders exam next year. Hopefully

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

I think, today I congratulated you ‘a-very-happy-belated-birthday-and-wish-you-all-the-best-and-et-cetera’ for the 10th times in my life. *winks*

Yes, times goes by. And a lot has happened in 10 years.

And to remember the 9th times, you can click this: here

PS: The photo below is accidentally shaped like a kinda-heart-thingy, so I put it ^_^

—–

I am blessed for I have a chance to know you
I am blessed for I have a chance to love you

You are:
Kind
Passionate
Warm-hearted
Loving

Everything everyone wants
for a mother,
for a sister,
and for a best friend

You give me hope when I am hopeless
You strengthen me when I am weak

Thank you for your loving heart
Thank you for your passion
Thank you for your time

I thanked you for loving me

—

Happy belated birthday.

May today, tomorrow, and the day after that, you’ll always find
Joy
Hope
Happiness
Comfort
Love

May your life guide you and others to be better than yesterday, everyday

07.10.09

from.the.one.who.will.never.stop.dreaming.ever

]]> http://neverstopdreaming.wordpress.com/2009/10/07/happy-belated-birthday/feed/ 1 aurenessa lamps_of_love http://neverstopdreaming.wordpress.com/2009/10/01/my-new-blog/ http://neverstopdreaming.wordpress.com/2009/10/01/my-new-blog/#comments Thu, 01 Oct 2009 09:53:04 +0000 aurenessa http://neverstopdreaming.wordpress.com/?p=146 ]]>

Hello everybody, because of the last post (Rainbow) is quiet a good post (I think), I decided to make a new blog.

This blog is to fulfill my need because I really enjoy taking photos. I hope you enjoy the new blog:

My Eyes For The World

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

Rainbow is life

Life is all about rainbow

Yes, rainbow

Beautiful

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

If anyone is asking about the definition of life (without being philosophic), I myself don’t know what to say nor what to write.

But today, my professor said something funny. He said that life is about four aspect. Movement. Change. Equilibrium. Stability. I’ll try to translate my thought into words below.

1. Movement

By nature, our body, our human and mortal body always move even when we sleep. They breath by their own, and the controller is our brain. This explain a lot about movement.

But, what my professor said is about we move from one place to another, from a “knowing-nothing-at-all” and pacing to become “knowing-anything-is-appreciated” to “I-now-know-many-things-but-I-feel-so-damn-stupid”

Yes, that’s right. When you know many many many things, you will realize that you are still stupider, more stupid, stupidiest, the most stupidiest among us all. *overacting-my-words*

From kindergarten, primary school, junior high, and high school. And by our own choice we choose to do something. Personally, I took two different major at two different university.

So, by now what my professor said had been true and understandable.

2. Change

We change. Our body change. From zygot — baby — child — teenager — young adult — adult. Yep, every lucky human being who is given enough time to live will go through this phase.

But that’s standard. Here, change mean we changed. Being a better person.

From mean to meaner. *LOL* Kiddin’ guys.

We try to change to become better, not worse. We talk, we learn, we do. All we did today, all we did the day before today, all we did BEFORE today is what made us the ‘we’ we know now. Tomorrow, we’ll not be the same person anymore. We changed. We’ve learned.

To be a better person. Everyday.

3. Equilibrium

This point, we talked about point of equilibrium. Simply about our home.

Home is a place with your family where you would get the feeling of ‘comfy’ better than some place elsewhere. That’s our human point of equilibrium.

Equilibrium is about environment.

I rather not to talk about this because I’m still learning how to write my thought without making you all confuse *LOL* later, I think. When I grew up.

4. Stability

If you are a college student, I believe we all know what we called schedule. Without the schedule, everything would be a mess and we wouldn’t live through the first year *LOL*

If our condition is stabilize, we have to make plan for years ahead. Do you still want to become the same person you are now? For me it means “Do I still want to go to campus for another two years”. Because stability made us laaazzzzzyyyyy.

This point is a dangerous one, but still we need it in daily basis, or say monthly basis.

—-

Yeah, I think I have wrote enough. This is about life from mathematic’s point of view. Have a good life ^_^

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

Two days ago, I went to my friend’s house. Actually, these friends of mine is special. They are the member of my band, which still vacuum for this days. I really hope we would play together again, as a band, as friends with very strong bond. No matter what.

Anyway, in their house we talked and Kuo was feeling like eating chicken and browsing. Okay, not really like that but blah! So, we went to Kentucky Fried Chicken (Colonel Sanders, everybody knows ^_^) and ate. Afterward, we walked to Istana Plaza at Pasir Kaliki because it isn’t that far. Only two zebra-cross. *LOL*

We talked. We walked. We mocked. We laughed.

Yeap, that’s Tabasco. But fortunately, we love each other too much to let go. *winks*

And then, a conversation happened.

Ronald : Guys, what if we go to PVJ (Paris van Java Mall, red. at Sukajadi) and watch Phobia 2?

FYI, we watched 4bia (the first film of Phobia) at Tabasco’s birthday one year ago and even though it is a scary movie, but we learned a lot from that film. Yeah, how to close your eyes when the sound *ROARRR* came and frightened and surprised us all. *laughing*

Kuo, Nessa : Y not? Y’all got time rite..?

Kari :

Kari didn’t really like movie with horror genre. Neither do I, but I like being with them, so whatever and I know that Phobia 2 couldn’t disappointed us.

Kuo, Nessa : Come on Karrr, let Ron sit beside you *laughing soooo hard*

Kari will really make the horror movie veerrryyyyyy scary. The bravest one could fail if sit beside her. I’m not kidding! She likes to scream, a lot. And her grip, oh God! Don’t ask. It’s surprising and hurting at the same time. But the ’surprising’ thing that make the film scarier than it really is.

After some laughing, some mocking and some blah3x, we decided to go on with the movie. Fortunately for me, Kari is sitting between Kuo and Ron so I didn’t get the REALLY SCARY part. *LOL*

This is a bit of my review about Phobia 2:

I really don’t do horror genre, but 4bia and Phobia 2 (the sequel which I watched, like two days ago) is a very good movie. You wouldn’t believe if I said that you could laughing soooo hard at the cinema. But my friends and I do.
We laughed so hard at the fifth story.
So, 4bia content 4 story but unfortunately, I already forgot this.  I am not good with long term memories.
The Phobia 2 content 5 different story.

1. Novice : This story is about a young man who accidentally killed his own father when he wanted to rob a car, so karma does the justice.

2. Ward : The story about changing the body of a young healthy man with a sick old man. Quiet scary, because in the movie, the old man vomit a lot of blood directly to the young man stomach. *GLEG*

3. Backpackers : About narcotics and the effect, but this will make you think twice about zombie, children, and backpackers. Scarryyyyyy..!!!

4.Car (forgot the real title) : A story about a young woman who sold oldie car to people. But the oldie car came from every accident. She just furnished the tormented car and change this change that so it look like a brand new car. And like every other scary movie, karma does the justice for her. Her son died because she started the engine of her beautiful car. Ironic.

5. In The Middle : This ending story is really really funny. When the other watcher scream, Ron and I laughed so hard. Really really funny. Must watch!
Okay, so the story is about a making of one horror movie. Kate, who played the ghost (she really look like a ghost) is sick, she keep coughing and Aye brought her to hospital. In the hospital, Aye received the news that Kate passed away. But Aye’s friend at set is looking at Kate! So we must thought that the Kate in the set must be a ghost.
And the movie go on go on and on, but really, you must watch it to feel it. *winks*

Actually, what I really want to say is that, my friendship with them (Tabasco’s member) is a very precious one. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world. It’s hard to find a friend who is loyal, trustworthy, kind, passionate, making you want to be a better self, and on and on with the positive aura.

They are there when you need them, they smack you when you are unbelievably an ass, they yell at you when you do wrong things, but they always there trough every step of your life. They are a family of your own decision, not one you were born with.

Life is not easy. It isn’t supposed to be.
But with them, it would feel easier, even though just a lil bit.

They’re precious. Rare. But they are there. You just need to find them.

And I really hope I have a big Pensieve like Dumbledore did. I adore every memory, every step, every laugh, every cry, everything…

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

This exact time one year ago, I was posting this: http://neverstopdreaming.wordpress.com/2008/09/16/the-light-of-my-life/

And now I think I’ll post another one..
That one is to dark and shadowy. I want to do shiny and gloomy, not dark and shadowy ^^

—

It’s funny how we still friends till this exact second.

We’re too much alike.

Our mind always doing ‘that’ thing when you know what he was thinking without doing so much effort.

We take and give for that what friendship is.

—

He and I have many moments together, one we could still share laughs for, one we could still see in our own eyes, one we could still remember clearly as it happens just yesterday.

1. I remember when I was in sophomore years, I come to start knowing him because of musics. It was piano that brought us together. I sat right behind him in class everyday for one years.

2. I remember one year after the musics phase, we were doing something so bad that we got one month detention. For the first three weeks, we were at home everyday. I played Play Station everyday and he read Darren Shan saga. Then, our principal made us went to school for the last week’s detention. We were to be very quiet in the library, doing nothing. Just waiting till the bell rang and went home. How sucks that could be?? And I remember, he has one of his birthday at library

3. I remember the pride, first day we went to ITB (Institut Teknologi Bandung, the college he and I attend). Still using our high school uniform, but afterall, we are college student. No need for uniform after this very day.

4. I remember we played MMORPG, RO to be exact, and then we went nuts, taking picture and this is the result:

5. I remember our fight. One year (or 6months..?) we weren’t talking to each other for the thing that is definitely not worth it. You were right. I was wrong. And the consequences lays ahead.

6. I remember many things. But ultimately, it was fill with this feelings: Joy, Happiness, Gratitude

7. I  remember, today is your birthday hehehe

—

Happy birthday bro, may this day open every path of your life, for you are destined to be a great person

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming.

As I grazed trough,
all the memories suddenly floating back inside my head..
Everything I dreamt of
Everything I thought of
Everything

It felt like rainbows
Beautiful

But it also felt like fear
Full of pain

One by one,
Little by little,
One step at a time,
And one problem at a time

It’s hard. It feels hard.
But I got through it

Every painful detail, the most excruciating one
Every blissful detail, the most endearing one

Yes it’s gone now. And I’m thankful for it.

Just let me be me
Just let me be the person I always dreamt

Yes, as I grazed through,
I became the new me.

The old one.

-never.stop.dreaming-