It’s been a while since I received one of the most devastating news I’ve ever heard. The passing of my teacher that I held dear in my heart.
The moment she passed, I knew that I made the right decision with my life. So that’s one of many reasons as to why I’ve been trying to find a doctorate degree.
I think to a certain degree, I need a closure, so to say. I was not able to say goodbye to her, and I’ve been holding onto that for so long, it saddened me deeply.
Maybe for some of you I made a perfect sense, and maybe for the others, I didn’t. I don’t mind. This is me rambling.
Anyway, that was one of my defining moment. The moment I knew I made a choice, and the moment I knew that I made a silent promise, and it is a promise I intend to keep.
I’ve tried twice finding a doctorate that suited me. I turned one down, and one turned me down. I was so excited for the second one, I didn’t know what to do when I wasn’t accepted.
Suffice to say, I was devastated. I am devastated.
I got the bad news (from the university) on Valentine’s day 2015, which is the worst valentine ever, and this is coming from me who never really celebrated that man-shifted-corporate holiday anyway.
Anyway, since that moment I’ve been trying to find myself again. I’ve been trying to find what I’m good at, what I’m not good at. What to do with all the free times when I’m not studying for GRE and IELTS.
The funny thing is, when you started saying yes to a few things (after much consideration), the figurative ‘door’ is opened wide. Sure it’s been such a mess of tears and heartbreaks and so much sadness along the line, but today, another defining moment happened.
I was trying to find my way up, remember, so today, I went swimming with three of my best friend and we went to Starbucks after that. Whatever the universe did, I thanked you! I met another middle school teacher who was my teacher’s best friend and I was so glad that I got to meet her today.
There was something soothing in our conversation, in her way of speaking and reliving the memory about my teacher, and of course, by confirming that I was loved by my teacher.
It was such a fleeting moment, but in a way, it soothed me. Because even though I failed to get the position for this year’s intake, I got this moment. I got this one sweet moment, where I felt that I’m right where I need to be at the moment. And God, it has been sooo long since I’ve felt that way.
I still couldn’t thank my teacher enough because she was a big part of my life. One of many people who shaped who I am today, and without her, I might not even be me.
So yeah, I’ve been busy with my head for a while and this is the complete update for what I’ve been up to this past year.
Thanks for those of you who read the snippet of my life😉