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The 7th of October

To this day, this specific date always holds so much meaning inside my heart.

I guess, if the sinus curve work for my emotion, this one will be the peak for it. (Yeah, don’t mind me).

Anyway, yeah. It has been such a long time since I’ve last posted. So many things have changed.

I changed my hair, my job, my friends (not too literal but that’s what you do when you move to another city), my city of course, and maybe in some inherent way, I changed myself.

I don’t know whether this is for the better or for the worse. I don’t know what the future holds.. but hopefully, there will be one.

the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

Expectation

If I asked myself a few years ago, I wouldn’t see myself as being where I am now.

Did I get my chance to do a Doctorate degree? Yes.

Did I finish it? Not yet.

Am I okay with it? More than okay. 

That’s one small part of what I’ve dreamt of for so long.

So yeah. This August marked a one-year milestone that I’ve been a corporate employee. Something my 17-year-old me wouldn’t have expected. Loathe, even. But through this one year experience, I’ve learnt so much of myself.

It’s something simple.

I know that I never stop learning. I know that I’m relentless in my own way.

I know that life throws you a lemon but at the end of the day, when you lay down in bed, you’re grateful that you’re healthy, alive, well, and loved.

I know that people seem happier than you, but you’ve gotta dig to your own happiness. Because happiness and calmness are something innate, something that has been given to you because your soul bears memories of thousands of lifetimes. It knows the essence of the universe even if you or your body does not.

I know that the scariest anger is from those you loved. Because their words sting and ring true, to the deepest part of you. But choosing to stay every time, is the essence of loving people. But sometimes, you’ll know that it’s time. To let the universe decides and for you to accept that there are some things in this world that just flows regardless of what you do.

So yeah, if I asked my younger self whether I see myself here, still standing after ordeals and heartbreaks and so many countless fights and sleepless nights, my younger self will be amazed.

In the end, you decide your own strength.

It may not come in the form that you expect, but nevertheless, as your soul is just as old as the universe, it knows better. 

the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

Epitaph

“Every year on this date, I always am reminded by the beauty of trust, and of love. And that, will never change.”

This is what I wrote the moment I opened my eyes today.

And if I were to write an epitaph for her, for someone who taught me so much about love, about the beauty of having faith that a kid is really smart and capable of doing anything, I’d write this:

“Love is simple. It started out with a smile, and it ended up with a smile. And we nurture love with faith. It’s that simple.” 

Because without my maths teacher, I won’t be where I am today. Because a part of my heart is hers. Because she helped me figured out who I am when I was growing up. Because she taught me so many things about life.

Because in my life, she was irreplaceable.

So today, I was reminded by the beauty of love. Of how that simple thing could turn around the impossible. That who we love, become a part of us, an indelible one. And that is, exquisitely beautiful, isn’t it?

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming