The most cliché title one could give, am I right? Lol.

But if one says being in love equals to being happy, why wouldn’t it be cliché?

Anyway. I’ve been scrolling through this blog and found many definition of love from myself from a different time and space. I like what I’ve written on this one: Love.

And when you found it, you found the perfect one, dream and reality shifted, didn’t it? It became blurry.

As Paulo Coelho said in his book, The Alchemist:

“I love you because the universe conspired to help me find you.”

Well, for me.

Love is a contradictory thing. 
It’s loud when it’s quiet. 
It’s sincere when it’s acted on.
It’s comforting when it’s vibrant.
It’s beautiful when it’s messy.
It’s fleeting when it’s etched in our memories. 

To feel this love, to feel happy every second of every day, to feel that finally everything clicked together, is something worth waiting for.

One of a kind.
Perfect because of all the imperfections.
Beautiful because of all the ordinariness. 
Transparent because of all the stories that made us who we are. 


And I wouldn’t want it any other way.






How do you know when something shifted..? When your best friend became the most important person for you in the whole universe? When their happiness is.. much more important to you than anybody else? When their awkward gesture makes you smile in the middle of the night? When one sentence they sent brought such a smile in your face?

What would you do?

You’re falling in love. That much is the truth. You’re falling in love and you have to believe that they are too.

Scary, isn’t it?

How we shifted. How our feelings accumulated. How everything became blurry after that shift. Huh.

Maybe this is what they call love, huh?

When you realised you’re at this point where.. you’d go through all you’ve gone through before.. just to meet this person. Just to be enticed by them every day, just to imagine the smile gracing on their lips when they read your texts, just to feel.. close. and at home. with someone.

To feel that profound connection. The fact that we understand each other better than anyone else in this very cruel world.

To know that whatever you say, they know. They know better than anyone what exactly you mean.

To laugh and chuckle and giggle when we’re together. To share things you never imagine to share with someone else, ever. To do wrong and to let them soothe you that even if you do something wrong, they’re there to help.

Yeah, I fall. Hard. Harder every day.

And I wouldn’t want it any other way.



Strange, isn’t it. When we were children, somehow we knew without a doubt that.. our parents loved us. Love us for those of you who’s still got both parents.

But now, the smallest gesture from your childhood friend, meant… a lot.

I once read a book in which it said: “how do you show people you love them if you don’t have the voice or the words?” 

That got me thinking.

People throw away “I love you”s maybe more than necessarily necessary. But what about people who got choked up with those words, such as I myself? What about people who don’t have the courage to even utter those words? What about people who just.. don’t really know what that words mean?

Inevitably, those simple words (not in that exact quote) became.. important. 

And maybe, just maybe, those words will be uttered by someone special close to your heart if you’re lucky. Or you have already received those words abundantly. Well, we’re all different.

Anyway. Yeah, hello for those of you reading this post. Sorry for the long absence. But hey. We all learn to love every day, right?

Defining Moment

It’s been a while since I received one of the most devastating news I’ve ever heard. The passing of my teacher that I held dear in my heart.

The moment she passed, I knew that I made the right decision with my life. So that’s one of many reasons as to why I’ve been trying to find a doctorate degree.

I think to a certain degree, I need a closure, so to say. I was not able to say goodbye to her, and I’ve been holding onto that for so long, it saddened me deeply. 

Maybe for some of you I made a perfect sense, and maybe for the others, I didn’t. I don’t mind. This is me rambling.

Anyway, that was one of my defining moment. The moment I knew I made a choice, and the moment I knew that I made a silent promise, and it is a promise I intend to keep.

I’ve tried twice finding a doctorate that suited me. I turned one down, and one turned me down. I was so excited for the second one, I didn’t know what to do when I wasn’t accepted.

Suffice to say, I was devastated. I am devastated.

I got the bad news (from the university) on Valentine’s day 2015, which is the worst valentine ever, and this is coming from me who never really celebrated that man-shifted-corporate holiday anyway.

Anyway, since that moment I’ve been trying to find myself again. I’ve been trying to find what I’m good at, what I’m not good at. What to do with all the free times when I’m not studying for GRE and IELTS.

The funny thing is, when you started saying yes to a few things (after much consideration), the figurative ‘door’ is opened wide. Sure it’s been such a mess of tears and heartbreaks and so much sadness along the line, but today, another defining moment happened. 

I was trying to find my way up, remember, so today, I went swimming with three of my best friend and we went to Starbucks after that. Whatever the universe did, I thanked you! I met another middle school teacher who was my teacher’s best friend and I was so glad that I got to meet her today.

There was something soothing in our conversation, in her way of speaking and reliving the memory about my teacher, and of course, by confirming that I was loved by my teacher.

It was such a fleeting moment, but in a way, it soothed me. Because even though I failed to get the position for this year’s intake, I got this moment. I got this one sweet moment, where I felt that I’m right where I need to be at the moment. And God, it has been sooo long since I’ve felt that way.

I still couldn’t thank my teacher enough because she was a big part of my life. One of many people who shaped who I am today, and without her, I might not even be me

So yeah, I’ve been busy with my head for a while and this is the complete update for what I’ve been up to this past year.

Thanks for those of you who read the snippet of my life ;)

Lonely Together

Isn’t it lovely that we live in loneliness together?

Have you ever thought about it?

We all got the same problem. The same freaking problem over and over again, and others already knew the solution to that specific problem, but we made the problems and solved the problems, all over again.

Like an unending cycle of death.

So what we do on Earth is actually pretty simple.

We’re being lonely, together.
We’re biding our time until it’s finally our time to go. 

Go where, you ask.

Hell if I know.

So What’s The Point

This post is a little dark (not my usual style). You’ve been warned ;)

What’s the point of life
If you tried and tried and tried only to realise that you are going to die anyway

If you try to feel all kind of emotions.
Every range of sadness and anger.
Every infatuated feeling.
Every second you look into someone’s eyes and try so hard to make sure that they’re the centre of your world.No. It wouldn’t matter tomorrow. If you tried to take thousands of pictures, when they would only end up

No. It wouldn’t matter tomorrow.

If you tried to take thousands of pictures, when they would only end up as dusty papers flown by the wind. Worse, they became a destroyed binary code as the hardware malfunction.

You tried to memorise all these sweet things when you knew it’ll only led to painful remembrance.
You tried to look your best only to have it wither as time goes by.

Yes, dearie. You tried. You did try. You do try.
The only thing that you do is trying.

Oh dear child. Don’t ever try to live. Don’t ever try to breathe.

There’s only pain.
The feeling of exhaustion.
The feeling of desperation.
The feeling of loneliness.

As we were born wailing into the hand of a stranger, alone.
As we live our life trying to find our best halves, alone.
And we’ll die in quietness, alone.


What’s the point?


As a social being and a human, comes to life the most complicated thing ever. Relationship between two persons, be it friendship, romantic relationship, or even professional relationship between coleague and such.

So in a way, whether we want it or not, nurture always has a part in forming who we are, and more importantly, who we will be, based on the people you keep around you.

That’s why sometimes, even though we went through hell while our heart broke at some point of the relationship, what with the emotional burden of being a good friend, or a good partner, or a good daughter/son, or just a good employee, if we look back at everything that we’ve done up until this point, the only thing we can do is being grateful.

Last weekend, I went on a short break and had the privilege to go out with two different groups of friends. One is from my childhood, one is from my recent years while living abroad in England.

That’s when I realised how funny life is sometimes. It’s funny how both groups have roles in shaping who I am today, but both groups are so different I wonder how is it that my brain is able to determine what I want to be and who I am from all the interaction.

So if you think I’m babbling, I actually am babbling. Not very cool of me, eh? To put it simply, friendship is weird. You got this person who give you their most important thing, trust, but we got to be angry with each other, and insult each other, and at the end of the day, we’ll make up and say I love you too, and stuff. But then the cycle will repeat over and over again.

So yeah, I think friendship is definitely one of the weirdest thing on Earth.

But huh, everyone need friends in their life. Who don’t?

Well, anyway, despite the fact that it took lots of me to go out and interact (yes, I am a loner by birth and by right), it’s always fun to see what other people is doing with their life. Some have achieved their dreams, some are still searching for the right one, some fell for the wrong one, some are still not sure as of what to do, but hey, that’s the beauty of it.

You’ve got this people you know and come to love, and they all are so different, you get a glimpse of how great statistical probabiltity and nurture vs nature that are at works in this world.

And for those of you who thought “hey, you’re way too quiet!” I say, wait till you talk to me alone, because everybody has weaknesses, and one of the worst of mine is I can’t really interact in group settings. It messes me up because my mind kept wandering around trying to calculate and analyse things that aren’t supposed to be calculated or analysed. In simple words, I’m crazy.

And that’s all for today’s update my friend, I hope you enjoyed my babbling towards the ridiculousness that is our world, and the beauty that is our connection towards each other.