Love to Hate, Hate to Love

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Today, I got into a deep conversation with someone, who told me:

‘God is love, and hate is the opposite of love. So by hating, you are keeping your distance from God.’

Well, when he put it that way, it seems simple, really. But is it, really?

Love and hate is separated by a very thin line. (As proverb said).

So, it is possible to love to hate, and to hate to love. But then, the same person told me: “It is natural to have that feeling, as we are human. But it is good if you can try to understand why is it that you ‘hate’ a person.”

It all goes back to how open-minded we are.

Are we willing to accept that person in our life? And not to shut him/her out.
Are we willing to understand that he/she acts in their own defense.
Are we willing to understand that every human being has their own weakness. That we are still flesh and blood.

As casting crowns said ‘I am a flower quickly fading. Here today gone tomorrow’ and I believe it is true. The ‘me’ that is writing this post will cease to exist tomorrow. Because tomorrow I will get a whole new day, and have a chance to do a do-over, to ask for forgiveness, to help other, to try to be a good person, and to try not to hate, but to love.

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

Wonder

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I am a girl who always ends up wondering about so many things.

How Sagrada Familia (in Barcelona, Spain) was built for over a 100 years and has not finished yet. But already so majestic in its own way.

How British people likes and appreciates sunshine, and nature. Because that’s a rare occasion. Sunshine.

How ‘how you dress’ really change a perspective of who you are, and what you do, and what you have.

How musics, in their simplest form, can make me smile.

How sometimes people say one thing, but tomorrow they will say one sentence that contradict the sentence they have spoken before.

How God always gives us second chance, third chance, fourth chance, and so on.

How one small sentence from your friend can makes you wonder. About who you are (to him/her).

How one small sentence that is rarely spoken can make your day.

Not only that, there are so many things going on in my head that I myself cannot fathom. But from a few weeks journey (including the one when I went on Eurotrip), I realise (again) that happiness is in your hand (my hand, actually, not your hand as a reader).

I made a choice to be happy, wherever I am, with whom, doing God knows what.

I don’t want to make a choice that makes me unhappy. That simple.

I think, in the end… The wonder of the world is simple. It is whether or not, you are happy. And how you make your own happiness comes to you.

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

Homesick

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One week after my exam finished (which is one month ago, I think), I felt so strange. I keep thinking about my friends, family, back home. I still am thinking about them. They are not the main thought of the day, but it grew stronger each and every day.

I could not recognize the feeling until today. When I sat home two days in a row, tried to write a paper due tomorrow. I am homesick.

I miss my mum. I miss my home. I even miss my personal trainer. I miss going out with my friends to the crowdest mall in Bandung.

I miss waiting for my mum to come home, and waiting for a late night surprise from her.
I miss my mum.

I miss my mum.

She’s my best friend. I want to tell her about so many things. About my new life here, about my new friends. I want to tell her all the small things that make me wonder. I want to tell her about how I think now. I want to tell her that I do not know what I want to do in the future. I want to tell her how I’ve missed waking up in the middle of the night just to hear her footstep in the room.

Well, that just it. I miss her.

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

Observation

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Last Saturday, I went to Castleton to hike and walk around. What our little group did not plan was, we went into two caves with so many history behind.

So, simply said, I went to a place where people worked in 1800′s, and I saw a magnificent 5 cm stalactite which happened to be 5000 years old. Even my simple mind could not comprehend how on earth that stalactite only has 5 cm length. But nevertheless, until now, that stalactite is the oldest thing I have ever seen in my life (for now).

It’s funny when I remember how I was so delighted to find a tomb from 1606, just one week before in Liverpool.

This kind of thing is really simple, but for me, it was a reminder, that wonder of the worlds never cease to exist.

Not only that, today I went to Hull, a small city near Leeds, two hours train from Manchester. I was stuck there for a few hours, and the only company I had was myself. One of the reason why I really like living in UK is because of all the elderly people.

When I went to Castleton, I had to hike and really be careful in which ground I stomp, but some of the elder just stroll by like nothing happened. I was amazed by their power, their stamina, and their eagerness.

Every day, I see them, and I know that to grow up is not a bad thing.
It does not make one weaker.
It does not make one uglier.

If they can walk and shop and hike,
if they can hold their spouse’s hand,
if they can smile when they simply are sitting on a bench with their spouse and dogs,
I know that life is good.

They are a reminder, that life is so simple, the simplest thing could make you smile, the simplest thing could make you happy.

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

Hello March!

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So it’s March already!

That means I’ve been here for 5 months and counting! It felt like yesterday, I arrived at Manchester Airport, waiting for a familiar face to come get me. And here I am, 5 months since then, and still alive, and well too. Lol.

Anyway, February was my Fisheye Month. This is some of the photos I really really really really really like.

cute little tiger I got from Chester Zoo

cute little tiger

otherworldly manchester

otherworldly manchester

IMG_5188k-2

hello salford

So.. I’m still thinking what I’ll do on March. Honestly I got no idea at all.

Anyway, that’s all for today. I hope you all have a blessed February!

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

Mood Swing

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The thing about a girl (or basically every human being on earth) is every once in a while, she will get some bad case of mood swings. Whether it is because of someone, or something, or even anything.

Like these two or three days, I had that, and I believe I am still having the mood swing.

So. What happened on Monday: I was in NO mood to do anything. At. All. Or in other words, procrastinating.

What happened on Tuesday: I was in super good mood because I didn’t have to meet my supervisor (he’s too busy), and after that I met with my course director, who gave me good news, and that meant BIG smiley face.

Then, I hopped in bus 250 trying to go to some place called The Lowry. I asked the bus driver to tell me to get off on the right stop, but then he just grumped and shut my face down. Still full of smile, because I wanted to know what kind of place The Lowry is. And I’m hyped because I want to meet the people I’m meeting. So there I was, riding on and on.. until…. Selfridges happened. Well, Trafford Centre was right there in front of my eyes. Not only that, I really need to pee real bad. But as logical sense go, I hopped off bus 250, and hopped on bus X50. Well, this time, the bus driver is a very nice lady who told me to get off on War Museum (which happened to have free entry, by the way). So I got off, and walked as fast as I could to The Lowry.

I arrived at the South Room, to meet one of the coordinator, and then I sat down and talk to the other coordinator who is so welcoming, full of smile, and just a blessing from above. Although I was apologizing a thousand times for being late, they still said “it’s okay, don’t worry.”

WoW!

After the meeting, I went home, and tried to catch sleep a lil bit earlier because I had a 6am train to London.

London.

London is what happened Wednesday.

Basically, what I happened to understand is this simple fact: I did not go to London. It felt like I was asleep from 9 pm on Tuesday, until 3 pm on Wednesday. Well, roughly said, I lost 18 hours of my life.

Nobody’s fault.

But the thing is, I still thankful for all of this.

Am I a bad person to have mood swing? Well, definitely not.

Once in a while, it’s just a reminder that I am human, although I am trying to be emotionally balanced all the time, there’s a time when God says ‘this time emotion can cloud your judgment, but you would learn a lot from the experience’ and that time is now. Tomorrow, I’ll try to be better.

Well, that’s my three days in a row guys. See you later!

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

 

Just Breathe

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Well, it’s been two weeks I think since my last post.

Anyway, yesterday (23 February 2013) was full of firsts.

1. First time rode ‘first’ bus.
2. First time went to Liverpool.
3. First time saw a very romantic snowfall.

I really like to travel around, and take some dramatic photos, and just loose my mind to a very simple things, like why the Titanic sank, why there were slavery in this world, rather than trying to figure out my Python or my Digital Biology paper which is due in a few weeks.

It calms me.
It reminds me of the wonder of the world.
It soothes me.

This few weeks have been rather strange for me, because I need to focus on my future, and not my present. I was trying to isolate myself from the thing that for me wasn’t as important as I’ve thought before, but it made me kinda sad.

Because then, I see the truth behind all the laughter.
Because I now see the pain behind every word.

But still, moving on and trying to solve every problem I’m encountering is the best option.

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming

Ranting While Studying

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So.. Here I am. My 7th year being a college student, but this night is the first time I actually am in a library at this very hour. 11 PM. And basically I am rambling here because my test program is still running the hell out of itself while I am sitting here typing these very words.

That’s a first. Spent some time in the library and just did college work, and with so much less procrastination than I usually do.

I think my computer here is trying to give up so bad. I could not even type anything into my Python without freezing.

In front of me sit one of my best friend, well, I thought of him as a little brother I never had. Lol.

So earlier today, I talked with my best friend about how bored I am. She said to just bear it for a few more days, and it will pass away. Well, good adviser, isn’t she?

I realise that I am easily bored by all the things (whether it is a thing, or a person). Sometimes the boredom is temporary, but sometimes, the boredom itself that makes me drive myself away a little further. A little further.. and then a little further away…..

But then, I remember the video I posted before:

Life is about the people you meet, and what you create with them.

I want my life to be useful and meaningful to others, and I hope after I’ve died, I won’t be a passerby that pass on all the good things in life.

That is why, I am holding on, even though sometimes it is unbearably hurtful.
That is why, I keep moving, even though sometimes I just wanna lay in bed all day.
That is why, I am letting go, to make some space for new people.
That is why, I keep trying, even though when it fails it’ll hurt like hell.

And that is why, I will not give up, on life.

from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming