When I was growing up, (actually I AM still growing up), my mother always never fail to tell me:
Make a good choice. For it could change your life. For good.
Being in Manchester, it is harder for me to make a choice. Simply because my mother is not available 24/7 for a chat. So there is this process when my mind battling and struggling, thinking about many possible outcomes, just to search for an answer. Turns out the answer is already there. I just need to open my eyes and realise that it was there all along.
So then, I think (again) why I did not see the answer earlier. Distraction.
It is harder to focus on yourself when there is so many things and errands you got to do (among other things). I am an easily distracted person. A few things that will distract me the most: ice cream, banana (I feel like a minion from Despicable Me saying ‘banana’ as my distraction), small little thing that someone do with their body, nice video in Youtube, animation, uniform colour, unique people, and other things.
In addition, it is very easy for me to get distracted by a sentence (or two) from a best friend. For example, this fresh conversation kept my mind going for an hour (or more).
Me: Could you help me with something?
Friend: I am not sure. I do not know anything about that.
It sounded silly that I am so disturbed by his/her answer that it makes me realise something. I expected too much from him/her just because I can say ‘I am your best friend. You should have known about this thing!’ It is valid for me to expect him/her to know the thing, because I know (s)he has done it before. Turns out, it is easier just to not assume too much, just ask when you needed help, and just keep things simple.
So decision-wise, I am turning on a new leaf. No more assuming just because I proclaim to know him/her better. Sometimes, it is better to just ask. Whether you would like the answer or not, it is another matter.
I remember this sermont from a priest when I was serving, he said ‘no one could hurt you, unless you let them’. That statement resonances deeply with my heart, because I have just realise many times, I let someone to my head (because of his/her words) and in the end, it ends up hurting me.
My mind wanders. A lot. I work best on a quiet environment. Just me and my laptop singing its song.
That is why it is so awkward for me to interlace my life with others. It takes effort. It takes everything out of me.
But that is why I love all my friends, and I will have a hard time letting them go.
Because they are hard to find in the first place.
They accept me as who I am.
They accept me for my quirkiness.
They accept me for my short-attention-span-disorder.
They ground me when my mind keeps wandering around.
They spent their precious time with me when I am so-very-bored.
They, who love me back. (I assume. If not, well, my luck then.)
Here, they are my family.
from.the.one.who.never.stop.dreaming
The Power of Dreams 